So, Socialists, About This Whole Terrorist Flag Thing …


Solidarity. We have all heard a lot of this word.

Socialists promise solidarity with minorities, and everyone they consider to be oppressed. Palestine is high in the oppression stakes. Socialists love Palestine. I recall student Socialists running for office in my university student union, telling me that once in office, they would deliver radical action, with a focus on hot-button issues including Palestine.

“Wouldn’t it be better to prioritise students’ interests and concerns over those of Palestine?” I asked, and they told me, with serious faces, that they were – students were all very concerned about Palestine. Of course, if you ask me, we were more concerned about the terrible parking and our other local concerns. Election results concurred.

Muslims are also high value in the oppression stakes. Being pro-Islam, or as Socialists put it, anti-Islamophobia, appears to be one of the Five Pillars of Socialism. Another unquestionable tenet is that Trump is literally Hitler. It was mildly amusing to see your protests when Trump was inaugurated. They did that in the USA, screaming “Not My President.” Now if we screamed it over here, it would be true. And the orange-haired man still wouldn’t care.

So, what with one thing and another, it wasn’t much of a surprise that the rally Protest Trump – Hands Off Jerusalem was heavily attended by Socialists. The Socialist Party came, as did the Socialist Alternative and the Socialist Alliance. The Campaign Against Racism and Fascism turned up, after some self-important rhetoric about the necessity to “defend” the rally from the counter-rally. Okay, guys … you do you.

And it was a lovely afternoon of marching, sign-waving and yelling. The Islamists yelled Allahu Akbar. The Socialists yelled “Free, free Palestine”. I suspect them of contributing the chant that was my personal favourite, a cry of “Bo-ring.” One might say it reflects their level of intellectual engagement with non-Marxism-related ideas.

Fun times were had by all. There was even a Hezbollah flag to lead the march through the city. Nothing like a nice flag to liven up your party, is there?

From Alen Kontra Photography. Used with permission

Only thing is, this one belongs to an organisation listed by the Australian government as terrorist.

Let’s all think about that for a moment.

Now let us give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps these Socialists didn’t recognise the flag, or realise that it was actually terrorist. Maybe stuff like that is just too “bo-ring.” That’s why the XYZ made sure to mention these facts when it contacted every one of the above Socialist groups requesting comment. It helpfully pointed out that the Hezbollah flag was that of a listed terrorist organisation, and asked whether the Socialists supported or condemned its presence there at the rally.

Only one thought the question worth answering. The Socialist Party, in a breathtakingly witty comeback, wrote “Do you support or condemn the presence of nazis (sic) and trump (sic) supporters in the far-right counter-rally?”

The remaining groups did not respond. No biggie, after all – just a listed terrorist flag.

Then again, perhaps, like good Marxists, they felt it to be their duty to stand in solidarity with those groups identified by them to be oppressed. Even when, you know, they’re waving terrorist flags. Why let these outdated notions of national security stop you from having fun at a rally?

But let’s not be too hard on them. I’m sure they have a lot to do. It can’t be easy juggling all that radical action with their shifts at McDonalds. Perhaps the first email just slipped through the cracks. So, in the spirit of ever-loving kindness, the XYZ sent follow-up emails, linking the original article, and leaving the door open for the Socialists to distance themselves from this horrendous display of public support for terrorism.

These emails met with nothing but silence.

So, Socialists living in Melbourne, if you are reading this, I am speaking to you. I am a generous person, and I like to think the best of people. In this case, however, the best option is that you are certifiably dense. (Unless you are merely incompetent at email – a foretaste, no doubt, of the wonderful bureaucracy we are to expect in our glorious Socialist future.) It’s either that, or you’re terrorist sympathisers. Which is it to be?

Socialist Alliance, you thought to evade this dilemma with a clever reply. Nazis and Trump supporters in the counter rally? Brilliant, you thought, and hit send. (I think you need to sack your marketing intern.) I could point out that ‘Nazi’ and ‘Trump supporter’ are not actually political synonyms, but let’s cut to the chase: since when does that excuse terrorism?

Can terrorism be justified by the political views of one’s opponent? You did not reply to our second email asking for clarification, and the XYZ is very eager to hear your views.

When I think about these things, I recall, not many moons ago, that you Socialists called Milo Yiannopoulos a Nazi, and justified this slur by citing an occasion where that numbnuts Richard Spencer, standing next to Milo, performed a Nazi salute. Who did the salute? Not Milo, but Spencer.

From Facebook.

If one is to judge you by your own standards, what does this make you, if not card-carrying members of Hezbollah? You marched alongside the flag, and you refuse to disavow it, sticking to your guns in tenacious solidarity.

Of course, the case is not perfectly analogous. Milo has said himself that he is not a Nazi. One may quibble over whether or not the man is lying. However, in this giant party-game of Pin the Political Hate-Symbol On the Opponent, he is still one jump ahead of you. Milo disavows Nazism. You, on the other hand, maintained your unsettling silence on the subject. Whether by prevarication or by email silence, you refused to disavow.

Measured by your own yardstick. Think about that for a moment.

Whew, that was a heavy thought! Let’s change it up – here’s a joke for you. What do you call a Socialist movement that lacks popular support?

Trick question. There’s no punchline coming for this joke, because you Socialists are the joke in and of yourselves. You are the setup and the punchline all on your own. (The only thing you’re missing is the laughter.) You have pretty weak punchlines, just like your punches. You’re not good at doing it, but you still keep trying, because you still think it’s necessary somehow. CARF, I’m looking at you, self-proclaimed defenders of the weak and helpless. Oh wait, last I heard we had a functioning police force to do just that. So your punches are unnecessary, your punchlines are pathetic, and overall, you are a joke.

In my university days, the Socialists who camped in front of the library urged me to read Marx. Recently I started doing that, and am learning many things. Marx compared unity to the five fingers of a fist. Alone, each finger is weak, but joined into a fist, they form a powerful unit, able to crush oppression wherever they find it.

You, however, do not have a fist. You don’t have that popular support. Surely you must know that the majority of people think you’re a joke? (But the police aren’t laughing. They always face your way at the protests.) You do not have the five fingers of a fist, joined together to fight oppression. You have, at best, one finger. And it’s the middle finger. You wave it arrogantly, certain of your moral superiority. You yell and scream obscenities. You are the Middle Finger of Resistance.

But nobody is afraid of you. Nobody trembles at your radical rallies. We just wish we could commit you to a high security crèche.

You are not the proletariat, but the sponging intellectual class. You really are Marxists, because you follow in the footsteps of your founder, an unemployed guy with a revolutionary beard, whose true genius lay in rationalising the appropriation of other people’s money.

We laugh at you, and we roll our eyes. But not today. Because you’ve done something that is either monumentally stupid, or deeply un-Australian. Or, who knows, maybe both? You lent your support even to those who wave a flag of terror.

If there are any well-intentioned people among you, let this be your wake-up call. Come out now, while there is still time. We will help you re-adjust to the real world.

From memegenerator.

Stay, or go. You can stop with these Marxists who see terror as just another form of radical action against your own country – the country that brought you up and gave you more opportunity than you’d get almost anywhere else in the world. (Disclaimer: or perhaps they’re just really stupid!) You can abdicate all personal responsibility as you fight to fix everyone else’s problems with other people’s money.

You can be the useful idiots of communism. And you will be the first to the wall when your brave new future arrives. Don’t take it from me – take it from the communists.

From funnyjunk.

Or you can come out now, and fight for a cause that doesn’t secretly hate your guts. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of other stuff in the world worth fighting for. You’ll just have to learn to do a little more than just wave a flag.

This is your final call for the ship H.M.S. Marx, running express to perdition. Passengers not wishing to travel, please alight now. Those remaining … you have been warned.

We can’t stop you from being stupid, and we can’t stop you from supporting terror, if that’s what you want to do. But don’t pretend that you don’t know what you’re doing.

It’s your choice.

It’s your XYZ.

Photo by David Holt London