Russia invades Poland – ISIS on last legs


Russia has expanded its humanitarian operations against ISIS this morning, launching a dramatic invasion of Poland. The latest reports suggest that Russian forces have halted their advance along a line which roughly follows that of the Bug River, and have set to work exterminating the population in the area under its control.

Vladimir Putin, saviour of the Christian West, has stated that the actions his forces have taken today are imperative in finishing off the Islamic State:

“We expect IS to be finished within the next few days. I have sent my best killers to Poland, and despite Daesh’s desperate pleas for mercy, we will spare them no quarter.”

An ISIS stronghold burns after a heroic attack by Soviet forces.

He has warned US forces to get out of the way of his actions to smash the death cult, warning that US jets will be shot down, “Just like we did to the Polish cabinet in 2010.” Russian state media has also claimed that their forces possess an insurmountable technological superiority over the US, with a new weapon devised which can destroy 17 F-16 Falcons with the press of a button.

A professor of International Relations at a prestigious university has stated that Russia’s military action to destroy ISIS by invading Poland is well within international law:

“This is one nation of Christian white people invading another country of Christian white poeple, so it is not racist. Therefore, if it is not racist, it is a just war. We may, however, in the future use this operation opportunistically to argue the case that Western Christian culture is inherently violent, and thus inferior to all other cultures.”

President Obama, when asked for comment on the unfolding situation is reported to have said, “You got me up before 11 for this?”

Photo by quapan