Breaking News: Malcolm Turnbull replaced by Ahmad Malas!

By
Keating
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2

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Well, it turned out Malcolm Turnbull just wasn’t, well, “progressive” enough… Attr. By Вени Марковски | Veni Markovski (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Breaking news: Malcolm Turnbull has deposed himself as Liberal Party leader and Prime Minister of Australia.

In one of the most truly “progressive” moves in politics, the former leader has replaced himself with Ahmad Malas. Ahmad Malas has promised to govern for all Australians and has set about a radical set of policy changes.

Australian forces will no longer be striking IS. Jerusalem is the new target, wth the aim of long term peace in the region.

Unemployment will be resolved by banning women from workforce participation. Gay Marriage will be resolved by “cutting off” the demand.

The boats will still be stopped. Qantas is putting on additional services, free of charge, free of passport controls, from the Middle East. Climate Change is deemed as God’s will, therefore if it happens or not, it’s OK.

Stay tuned for more policy announcements.

The Greens have applauded this political appointment, many from their jail cells. The Q&A audience that remain have been fanatical in their support.

The ABC has announced it will be broadcasting calls to prayer in accordance with Sharia.

It’s their ABC.