MELBOURNE has gotten so bad the Babylon Bee is writing satire about us


The Australian city of Melbourne has become the epicentre of elites’ attempts to instal a Global Covid Dictatorship. The situation is so rotten here that people are making montages of police brutality against peaceful protesters.

As such XYZ News has barely had the time, let alone the need to make up fake news, otherwise known as “Poorly Labelled Satire”. Thankfully, the Babylon Bee has picked up the slack for us:

SYDNEY—Australian hospitals are bursting at the seams, having reached their breaking point after being flooded with patients during the pandemic. The Australians streaming into the hospitals don’t have COVID, though, but instead are just bloodied and bruised from cops beating them up for not wearing masks, going outside for fresh air, and talking to other people.

While Australia has done well keeping case numbers down throughout the pandemic, their performance fighting the virus has been offset by the number of people getting curb-stomped by police.

“Well, bugger! It’s way over capacity here, mate,” said one nurse in Sydney. “By the beard of a Koala! We got way too many wankers comin’ on in here and gettin’ all cracked up by the bloody coppers, mate.” In American English, this apparently means, “Well, gosh darn it all! There’s too many people in this hospital, y’all. By the beard of Abraham Lincoln! We have way too many people coming into this here hospital and getting beat up by the popo, dude.”

According to medical professionals in Australia, the concerning rise in people getting absolutely demolished by the police and having to get rushed to the hospital is exacerbated by the fact that hospitals are already overwhelmed with people who got bit by two-story-tall spiders, punched by kangaroos, and elbow-dropped by drop bears.

I lolled at “by the beard of a koala”. I don’t think I have ever heard someone say that. That is why it is funny. A shout out should also go to The Economic Zone Formerly Known As Australia, whose satire has no doubt inspired the Babylon Bee.

Just like the drop bears, it is also funny because it’s true.

Last week Republicans in American have called for sanctions on Australia for its horrendous treatment of peaceful protesters.

Israeli journalist Avi Yemini and Subcontinental journalist Rukshan Fernando have been getting millions of views for their unbiased covergae of the protests. Rukshan was even interviewed on Fox News. This prompted the ABC’s Media Watch to issue a denunciation in a fit of jealous projection, accusing Rukshan of:

“ a platform to [Freedom protesters] without context or balance. An independent journalist he is not.”

The point to bear in mind is this: A telltale sign of a dictatorship is that reports on what is occurring under said dictatorship are more truthful abroad than at home.