BREAKING: Anzac Day March CANCELLED in Melbourne but anti-Anzac Day March given GREEN LIGHT

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Several days ago it was announced that due to ongoing concerns regarding the spread of the coronavirus, the official Anzac Day March in Melbourne has been let go for the second year in a row.

The Anzac Day Dawn Service will still go ahead without crowds. Organisers say they are quite pleased with this, given that the overwhelmingly White demographic of attendees was making the ceremony increasingly problematic in modern Australia. Daniel Andrews is expected to speak for three hours explaining how the Anzacs fought for diversity, tolerance and Liberal Democracy.

Fortunately, a large demonstration against Anzac Day will still go ahead as planned. Anzac Day is seen as increasingly anachronistic to the majority of new australians who don’t care about what happened in Australia before they arrived because they’re just here for the free gibs.

Police and state officials have been in close collaboration with leaders of the demonstration and are confident that social distancing protocols can be adhered to at all times. One source has told The XYZ that it is possible the march will actually help to flatten the curve, given how many people it will deter from leaving their homes due to fears that all the brown people will attack them.

A spokesman for the Turkish community in Australia has said they are “overwhelmed” by the support they have received from police and the state government in order to make sure the demonstration against Anzac Day goes ahead. He stated:

“The Gallipoli landings by the Western Imperialists were a totally unjustified attack upon the sovereignty of the Turkish people. Ever since the pogroms against our people in the vicinity of Vienna in 1683 we have been the subject of repeated hatred and vilification, resulting in the loss of the majority of our glorious empire.

“Now we are in your lands and by allah, we swear we shall outbreed you and conquer you because your people have lost the will to fight. You only care about sport, drinking and shagging. You are soft and ripe for the picking.”

A spokesperson for the Victorian government has stated that they are delighted they can make the anti-Anzac Day march a feature of the social justice calendar. Before the lockdowns they hadn’t expected to phase it in before at least 2025, but now “everything is accelerating as we rush frantically to implement the Great Reset.”

However, some in the Turkish community feel there is still much more to be done, with some insisting that they be allowed to force march members of the Armenian community in Australia through the outback without food, water or shelter. They say it is part of their culture or something.

Obviously, Australia still has a long way to go.

It’s your XYZ.

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David Hiscox
David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.