Dressed only in designer sunglasses and a green dinosaur onesie, an observably hungover Brittany Higgins today faced the media to quash rumours that she had agreed to marry her boyfriend David Sharaz:
“I got so shitfaced.”
Ms Higgins claims she had no memory of the events of New Year’s Eve, spent in Byron Bay:
“I had champagne and cake all day, like, seriously, all day. I can’t remember anything after about 3pm. I literally just woke up naked on the couch this morning, I must have slept for 2 days straight.
“After I threw up I got on my phone to check my messages.
“I had like ten missed calls from Mum, and my bestie had sent like 100 texts going “what the fuck”. So I googled myself and saw all these crazy reports that I was engaged.
“Then I checked my Instagram. I just died.”
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“That’s not even my dress, I wouldn’t be seen dead in that thing.”
David Sharaz was unavailable for comment, with concerns expressed for his whereabouts and mental health:
“I do remember seeing him briefly around midday when he popped by for some snacks, but he didn’t stay long. I haven’t seen much of him since we got that payout from Cashy. I think he might be gambling again.”
Ms Higgins expressed her desire to put the entire episode behind her:
“I got so embarrassed, I ate an entire pav and drank a whole two litre bottle of diet coke.
It’s your XYZ.