A day after the British voted to leave the European Union, some of us are feeling a little disappointed that the end of the world has been more akin to a bad squall off Bristol. British stock has recovered, more or less, although the pound may take a little longer. Scotland can’t afford to leave anyway, and around 50 people turned up to a protest in central London against the result. EU heavyweights have more or less demanded that the Poms get it over with, and, as I think we are all by now well aware, the internet has witnessed one of the biggest collective dummy spits of all time, across several continents.
(Just imagine the global dummy spit if Trump is elected President.)
It is worth considering this point a little longer. We live at a time in human history when the entire globe is connected, can talk to each other, share thoughts, join together in mass movements, argue, and express joy, or anger, together. Most people who are not of the “progressive” left have experienced at some point, and have borne witness to, the authoritarian, speech-suppressive rage from a gang of leftists, whether face to face, or on the internet. It is real. It happens. If ever we needed proof that the left cannot handle loss at the hands of democracy, we got it this weekend.
Of course, this being the internet, the reaction to the reaction has been epic. The right may have been slow learning how to social media (and this may well have contributed to the infliction of the Rudd and the Obama years on us), but like any good people, motivated by the ideals of free expression, and pulling oneself up by the bootstraps, we have well and truly caught up.
In response to an online petition which has gained roughly 3 million signatures, effectively demanding a second referendum (what, they want to lose again?), another short-lived petition demanded a rematch for the 1066 Battle of Hastings. This ran a close second to the following ten points of advice, compiled somewhere on the internet, to people struggling to cope with the pain of loss. We hope you enjoy:
1.) Call every white person who voted Leave a “racist”, ignoring the fact that Europeans are also white. Make sure you ignore and marginalise ethnic minority leave voters.
2.) Claim that the (huge) turnout wasn’t high enough. 72%? It should have been at least 75%! 80%? It should have been 85%! Make sure to keep moving the goalposts.
3.) Make a stupid e-petition demanding another referendum, just like the socialists did when Labour lost last year. We need to keep having referendums until we get the “right” result.
4.) Get over-excited about the economy, even if the impact has been pretty boring and mundane. Pretend that your 2:2 in English Literature makes you an expert on currency markets.
5.) Attack the very idea of Democracy, because it’s only a good thing when it goes the way you want it to. Working class voters don’t know what’s good for them, but middle class liberals definitely do.
6.) Share memes bashing Brexit, ignoring the unwelcome and uncomfortable realisation that you are in the minority of public opinion.
7.) Boldly claim that Scotland will leave the UK, forgetting that A) they can’t afford to B) the EU can’t afford to take them C) 1.6m remain votes don’t cancel out 2m NO votes.
8.) Make fun of Boris Johnson while sweating slightly and really hoping he doesn’t become Prime Minister.
9.) Learn absolutely nothing from the campaign, blaming the result on everyone but yourself. Scaremongering and bullying are clearly the best tactics to use, there’s no way they could possibly backfire.
10.) Curl up in a ball and cry yourself to sleep while listening to “Ode to Joy”.
It’s your XYZ.
Photo by Financial Times photos 
