South Australia BANS DANCING: No, we’re not making this up

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The South Australian government has banned dancing. So-called “fact checkers” will debunk this claim, listing the conditions upon which dancing is permitted. At this point you tell said “fact checker” that they are an idiot. The fact is, dancing is currently banned in South Australia under all but a few specific conditions.

Fro SA Health:

COVID-19 restrictions: What you need to know

Important: This information is current as of 9 September 2021
Restrictions

South Australia is at Level 1 activity restrictions, with some additional restrictions:

  • 3 people per 4 square metres in venues where people are seated.
  • 1 person per 2 square metres in venues where people are seated and standing and the area cannot be separated.

Private residence

  • Maximum of 20 people, including people who normally live there.

Private activities

  • Maximum of 150 people (at non-residential premises).
  • If between 51-150 people are present, a COVID Marshal and approved contact tracing system and records are required. Dancing is not permitted.
  • Food and beverage can be consumed whilst standing at a density of 1 person per 2 square metres or when seated at a density of 3 people per 4 square metres.
  • Must have an approved contact tracing system if food and beverage consumed while standing or there are more than 50 attendees.
  • Singing is permitted (masks must be worn indoors when in non-residential premises). Performers do not have to wear a mask.
  • Dancing is permitted if there are no more than 50 people attending.

Private function (an invitation-only event or function on a part of relevant licenced premises where there is no access for members of the public)

  • Maximum of 150 people.
  • Food and beverage can be consumed whilst standing at a density of 1 person per 2 square metres or when seated at a density of 3 people per 4 square metres.
  • Must have an approved contact tracing system. This must be independent from the contact tracing system used by the licenced premises.
  • Singing is permitted (masks must be worn indoors). Performers do not have to wear a mask.
  • Dancing is not permitted except by the bridal party during a wedding ceremony or reception.

The conditions under which dancing is permitted makes my head hurt and are stupid.

They left out the bit which mandates that the so-called “COVID Marshall” has to carry a clipboard. Note that singing is “permitted” under certain conditions.

I am not going to break down and analyse why these said conditions are just silly. All you need to know is that a whole bunch of people have been paid to think about this for an extended period of time, then they listed these conditions upon which singing and dancing are “permitted” on an official government website. A tech guy would have helped, and lawyers would have looked at this.

And none of them thought we would laugh at them.

Actually, they should probably list a set of conditions upon which laughing out loud is permitted.

The XYZ understands that a plucky group of teenagers has been spotted dancing, singing and playing Monopoly in underground church halls to classic 80s pop music. Police keep trying to chase them but they always run out of breath because they only eat donuts.

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David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.