XYZ Satire always predicts the future.
The Victorian Government is hoping to push through a new bill that would allow them to detain “high-risk” coronavirus spreaders.
The powers would be applied to those who health authorities believe would negligently spread the deadly virus as Victoria works to bring its coronavirus outbreak under control.
The rules, seen by The Age, would be a six-month extension of the ones made in April, taking the detaining powers to March next year.
The XYZ has obtained exclusive footage of the debate in the Victorian parliament:
Anyone deemed high risk by health authorities could be forcibly detained under the extension of powers including conspiracy theorists or anti-lockdown protesters who refuse to isolate.
Almost 200 people were fined and 74 were arrested in Melbourne on Sunday during dramatic rallies as anti-lockdown protesters ramped up their campaign.
Victoria Police said 176 fines were issued for breaches of the chief health officer directions.
It said the biggest protest occurred at the Queen Victoria Market where some 200-250 people gathered.
Mentally impaired, severely drug-affected or homeless Victorians – those unable to quarantine – could also be placed in hotels for two weeks as a precaution.
Or they can just stomp on their heads and put them in comas.
The powers will be debated in state parliament this week under the Omnibus (Emergency Measures) Bill.
The Victorian Government said the bill would help them maintain a strong pandemic response and expand the number of authorised officers working to keep coronavirus under control.
Victoria’s state of emergency and state of disaster – due to end on October 11 – allows authorised officers to detain anyone “for the period reasonably necessary to eliminate or reduce a serious risk to public health”.
In a statement to The Age, Attorney-General Jill Hennessy said the extension of the detainee powers would “allow us to continue responding to the challenges the pandemic presents, so we can keep protecting Victorians and delivering the services they rely on”.
For the greater good.
The Premier also confirmed reports that an exact replica of the Auschwitz death camp has been constructed at the Calder Park Raceway, where thought criminals will be processed.
“Wrongthinkers will actually find their stay a pleasant experience. Everybody is given a shower upon entry and their clothes are burned in order to ensure no coronavirus pathogens enter the camp, and uniforms have been donated by the Collingwood football club.
“Amenities include a swimming pool, theatre, and orchestra, and even a rollercoaster.”
In completely unrelated news, Premier Daniel Andrews has announced the establishment of a soap factory in Bacchus Marsh, and a lampshade assembly centre in Ballarat.
According to the premier, “These projects will ensure we can keep the Victorian economy rolling during these difficult times. Jailing political prisoners keeps us together.
In further unrelated news, the Premier has announced a new allocation of funds for the creation of railways leading to said facility at Calder Park, and the refitting of livestock transportation railcars to accomodate humans. A spokesperson for Mr Andrews claims this will allow for the most efficient transportation of enemies of the state while minimising human impact on the planet during the climate emergency.
It’s your XYZ.