Snackin’ in Wuhan


To be sung to the tune of “Lola”.

I got hungry in a place called ol’ Wuhan’

Where they dress like girls and they’re all called Tran-

Svestites, tee are ay ens vestites.


One walked up to me like a slinky cat

And asked if I was hungry for Wuhan bat

So I said no! En oh en oh oh no.


Well I don’t wear the world’s most smartest hat,

But I know you don’t eat raw Wuhan bat

And I said so, you know I said so.


Well I got here just a week ago

But I hate raw bats and I wanna go;

Home to Oz so far away

But now I’ve got a cough and I gotta stay!


And the girls over here are frightfully strong

If I didn’t know better, I’d say there’s something wrong

‘Cause they eat cats, maybe even raw bats!


I threw back the bat; at the girl called Tran

She’s got hairy legs, and I think she’s a man!

So I decided then and there;


That eating bats bring you no joys

Especially if it turns girls into bruising boys

And I wanna go, please let me home Scomo!


Promise you I’ll self-isolate

And I’ll never ever put a raw bat on my plate

It’s a no-no, en oh en oh no no.


But that big Chinese girl won’t go away

Like my nasty fever she’s here to stay,

And over me; she wants to watch

But I don’t trust that huge bulge in her crotch!


So stay within your borders and we’ll all be fine

And on strange filthy animals, please don’t dine

Or we’ll all die!