EXPOSED: Ex-MP Clive Palmer Secretly A Vogon


A shocking new development has seen ex-MP Clive Palmer outed as a Vogon, after an investigative journalist noted the similarities between his amateur poetry and that of the alien race.

The Vogons, chronicled by intergalactic historian Douglas Adams, are known for their excruciatingly awful poetry.

Vogon poetry is, of course, the third worst in the universe. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem “Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in my Armpit One Midsummer Morning”, four of the audience members died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived only by gnawing one of his own legs off. (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.)

After several months’ investigation, a brave investigative journalist at the XYZ has uncovered conclusive evidence from text-matching that puts Palmer’s Vogon ethnicity beyond doubt.

Vogon poetry:

Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
With crinkly bindlewurdles
Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don’t!

Clive Palmer poetry:

The similarities are undeniable.

It is unclear what ramifications this revelation will have for Clive Palmer personally, as there is currently no evidence to suggest that the ex-MP took steps to renounce his Vogon citizenship before sitting in Parliament.

It’s your XYZ.