Goodbye Islam: The speech Trump should have given

Goodbye, Mecca.

Donald Trump has given a speech in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, where he went to great pains to distinguish Islam from the terror it directly produces, promised to sell over $100 billion worth of arms to Saudi Arabia, and repeated the fallacy that Jews, Christians and Muslims have lived for centuries in peace in the Middle East – I guess submission is peace, from an Islamic perspective.

For the full transcript, you can visit the Fake News Network here. For the speech he should have given, read on:

“Dear people of the Muslim world, I come to Riyadh today to offer you a grand bargain. From this day forward, the United States of America will no longer arm any faction of Islam against another. We will acquiesce to the demand of many of your freedom fighters, along with many of your citizens, to remove our forces and our bases from all territory in the Islamic world. We will no longer tell you what to do, not with how you run your economies, how you engage with one another, nor with how you practice your religion.

“The United States of America, from this day forward, gives you free reign over all your domain. We hope our friends and allies of the West will follow our example.

“In reciprocation, our requirements, which we will be administering in full and to the letter, are as follows. Every resident of the United States of America who is a Muslim, regardless of whether or not they were born here, will from this day be forcibly removed from our territory, to yours, in an orderly and humane manner. No Muslim will ever set foot ever again in the the United States of America. Islam is from this day forward banned in the USA. All trade with the Muslim world and the USA will cease, even all transitory travel by air will cease.

“The USA is going no contact with Islam.

“We are doing this because we understand that from the moment your ancient warlord Mohammed and his descendants burst forth from the Arabian Peninsula bearing your ideology of Islam, it has posed an existential threat to Christendom, to Europa. We may have bought a few centuries grace for Western civilisation by beating your armies back out of most of Europe, and by colonising other lands, but now you are employing the tactic of terror against our people, justified explicitly by the Quran, and the tactic of Hijrah in order to defeat us demographically. We are by your own definition your enemy, to be subjugated by all means necessary, and you desire for the whole world to submit to Islam.

“We will never submit. That is why we are saying goodbye. I have thus come here today, to say goodbye to you. We hope our friends and allies of the West will follow our example.

“I leave with one promise, however. After we have cleansed ourselves of your ideology, for every Islamic attack on American soil, American people, or American interests, one entire province of the former Roman Empire in North Africa, the Middle East, or Anatolia, will be reconquered, the infidel expelled (by infidel I mean Muslim) and its territory returned to Europa.

“Goodbye Islam.”

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David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.