This is a short public service announcement to inform all that sometime around this date, which bears no significance at all, nothing happened, anywhere in the world, ever. If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing. Today is a completely ordinary day and you will go about your business on this completely mundane day when nothing ever happened. It didn’t happen a year ago yesterday either. Not tomorrow a year from now. Nothing will happen. Everything is fine and nothing terrible or disastrous has ever happened, anywhere in the world.
Everything is fine. There is no need to panic.
We repeat, there is no need to panic.
We don’t even know why this utterly useless and irrelevant public service announcement is being announced, given that nothing has ever happened, anywhere, which is bad or sad or frightening or unjust. Therefore, there is no need to read this public service announcement.
It’s probably best to forget you ever read it. We certainly have no memory of announcing it. We can’t even remember what happened one year ago, around about this time, vaguely. Whatever it was, if we can’t remember it, it can’t have been that important. How can we forget something that never happened, anyway? How silly of us.
Everything is fine.
Nothing happened. There is no need to panic. Go about your business. Everything is quite boring, really. Please, please, please keep telling yourself that. Everything is fine. You have to believe us. Otherwise, they might do it again.
War is coming.