BREAKING: Environmentalists hate children! Try to ban helium balloons!


Environmentalists, in defence of their push to ban helium balloons, have lashed out against accusations that they hate children, by pointing out that children don’t just like helium balloons, but they also like turtles. An environmental “spokesperson” clarified the issue to The XYZ:

image“If we can make children feel guilty about things, if we can make them think that if they let go of a helium balloon while outdoors, it will kill a turtle, it makes them easier to control.”

The environmental “spokesperson” elaborated:

“What is more important? The happiness of a child, or the life of the planet? If we can destroy the happiness of a child, it is less likely that they will want to have children in the future, and this is good for the planet.

It’s your XYZ.