After the ABC made it clear last week that being alive is no longer a barrier to fulfilling the role of Speaker in the Australian House of Representatives, The XYZ concluded that this threw the field wide open with regard to Bronwyn Bishop’s replacement. After a gruelling, and frankly, bitter process amongst XYZ staff, the field was whittled down to eight contenders, and it was put to XYZ viewers to decide the favourite,
Thus, although Tony Smith has been officially named Speaker, the people’s choice for a political resurrection, in more ways than one, is Margaret Thatcher, with a strong 37% of the vote. It is telling that a good two years after her death, the Baroness can still inspire such love, reverence, and terror from friend and foe alike.
It is also telling that for a position which requires the utmost respect for authority, and the necessity to follow through with threats of punishment, she was favoured over noted warlords such as Vlad the Impaler, (19%) Genghis Khan, (14%) and Joan of Arc (4%). It appears that not even the threat from Vlad of, well, you know… is considered as effective as a withering glare from the Iron Lady. Likewise, it is clear that her clarity of vision and foresight are valued higher than such noted philosophers, law makers and peace makers as Moses, (6%) King Solomon, (12%) and JFK (8).
Responding to the results of this poll, a “spokesperson” for one of the left wing parties said that “The last thing the Australian parliament needs is another dead white male telling others what to…. wait a minute…” The “spokesperson” later clarified their comments, saying that Margaret Thatcher is not the “right kind of woman” the Australian parliament needs.
Come and visit The XYZ to participate in the new Viewer Poll:
How should booing of Adam Goodes be punished in the future?
- All of the above in that order (67%, 188 Votes)
- Firing squad. No blindfold. No cigarette (Health Regulation 2578b). And definitely, no last words. (23%, 64 Votes)
- Public shaming through Twitter, a forced apology on national television, and placement on a "Public Racist Footy Fan" register (9%, 25 Votes)
- Automatic dismissal from place of employment (2%, 5 Votes)
Total Voters: 282