On the discussion about celibacy, reader Deti had the following to say:
The love of a woman is one of the sweetest, most sublime experiences a man can know. It is integral, if not essential, to the human condition. Men and women are intended to be together. We are not intended to be isolated or alone. We are intended to be fruitful and multiply; and that requires social and sexual intercourse.
I have a difficult time telling men who have never known the love of a woman to just forget about it. It’s real easy for me to say that, having experienced all of the above.
I’m not going to mince my words here; this is what is known as putting the pussy on the pedestal.
My first beef with this attitude is that while the love of the right woman is indeed very satisfying, it is but one of the loves that a man will encounter in his life. Romantic or sexual love is known as eros love. On the pecking order of different loves, it is right at the bottom. That doesn’t make it not nice but it doesn’t make it indispensable either. Contrary to the claim here, it is not integral to the human condition as properly ordered priests, nuns and monks will no doubt attest. If it were, then by definition those people would not be human in some way.
The next time of love is storge love, which is the love that parents have for their own children. The order in which these come may change depending on what type of person you are, and more obviously on whether or not you have any children.
After this is philia love, which most easily translates to brotherly love. This is a complex love that has many facets, but it is one which is crucial for a man. The deep bonds that develop between men, particularly when focused on a task or common ideals, is one that lasts for a lifetime, if it is not polluted or destroyed.
Finally, there is agape love – love of God. This is the greatest love of all.
I have known and loved many wonderful women in my life. But the common philia bonds that I enjoyed were indeed richer, both in their complexity and in their rewards. There is nothing quite like being an integral member of a team of men who have bonded over time through tough missions and moments. It is a completely different level and women are not able to partake of it; it’s known as brotherly love for a reason.
Yes, the love of a woman can be sublime; in the moment. But it pales in comparison to brotherly love. So when I read words lamenting the poor men who have never known the love of a woman, I find it somewhat trite and immature. There is so much more to life than that.
Young men and boys today would do well to develop and cultivate their bonds of friendship through shared endeavors. As men we are made up of our experiences, our learned skills and our friendships; the pecking order where we stand with other men. Focus on and enjoy those, without the stress of worrying about whether the girls will like you or not. And funnily enough, the girls always go for the guys who don’t need them.
So don’t be thirsty.
Originally published at Pushing Rubber Downhill. You can purchase Adam’s books here.
