Universities that bribed international students to circumvent quarantine demand bailout

Foreign student at her 8am lecture. Source.

Tim Jones

Australian universities have gone cap in hand to the Australian government tonight, demanding a tax payer bailout to prevent universities from falling over.

IEAA CEO Phil Honeywood said the sector was in complete crisis after the COVID19 pandemic had exposed them as being completely parasitical ticket-clipping organisations that were shaking down foreigners.

“Look, it may have been made clear that these students that were supposed to have enough money don’t actually have the cash, or bring it into the country, but that’s beside the point.”

“It’s about Australian jobs going. They may be in a completely bullshit industry but they’re jobs nonetheless. Australians need to do the needful, as they say in our industry, and give us money because jobs.”

Asked why Australia needs 43 universities for a population of 25 million, Honeywood remained adamant that the industry was necessary to Australia:

“We could completely downsize the industry and lobby for fully-funded Australian universities for mainly Australian students, but that’s way too hard and the vice-chancellors would get angry about their inflated salaries being cut.”

“We’ve been running wall to wall sob stories across the mainstream media but it doesn’t appear to be working. No other country may be considering giving foreigners money but Australia is different.”

“The next generation can deal with a little more debt to pay for these people. I won’t be around to see it or wear the cost, so I think it’s sensible policy.”

It’s your XYZ.