Australian Universities launch “Buy a degree, get free citizenship” program

Asian international students turning up for 8 am class. Source.

Tim Jones

Australia’s universities have launched a revolutionary new program to attract even more international students down under.

From the 2021 academic year onwards, every international student that studies in Australia will be automatically awarded Australian citizenship. Details are to be released, but it is understood that class attendance is not believed to be mandatory.

Australia’s universities were facing financial ruin in the wake of the COVID-19 outbreak that has hit them hard. However, the announcement from Immigration Minister Alan Tudge showed it’s not all doom and gloom for Australia’s premier rent-seeking industry.

“This move allows us to streamline the process and keep the taps on.

”It also puts even more downward pressure on wages and supports the real estate industry, which is what we as a government have set out to do.”

IEAA CEO Phil Honeywood, who was instrumental in keeping the borders open for Chinese students in the midst of the COVID-19 outbreak, lauded the move.

“For too long we’ve had to hide behind the thin veneer of actual education for students when it’s really been about short-term financial gain.

“This allows us to get back to showcasing what our industry is all about – ticket clipping and selling access to public infrastructure built by previous generations, without wearing any of that pesky socio-economic risk.

“It’s great to see the government and education sector fully embrace the mantra of Australian Privatisation – private gain, public loss.

“The vice-chancellors will also be relieved, as the stress on them to show what they actually do to earn a million dollars of public money a year is gone.”

In a show of bipartisan support, opposition Immigration spokesperson Kristina Kenneally stated Labor fully backed the move.

“It was always racist of Australia’s universities to make non-citizens pay for their education. This shows their commitment to diverse and vibrant policy and makes education far more inclusive for the tax payer.”

International students have enthusiastically supported the move.

Speaking through an interpreter, Chinese student Wang Ling voiced his support.

“This is excellent. It’s stressful enough playing League of Legends all day while the Australian students do our group assignments. Now, I have that peace of mind that I don’t even have to attend class to graduate and become a citizen.”

Central Queensland University student Gurpreet Singh was also excited about the move.

“Working 50 hours a week driving Uber Eats is very stressful, sir. I don’t even have time to think about going to class. It is really great to see the universities kindly do the needful and give us the citizenship.

“I have elderly, sick parents back in India that have been waiting a long time to come here. Now I can bring them out once I have bought the Diploma of Leadership not have to wait, sir.”

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