Pretend woman attempts to join pretend competition


The end of the Aussie rules football season heralds the lead up to the second season of the women’s competition. If the very thought of that pending excitement isn’t enough to get you to lean forward off the couch and reach for the Burger Rings, it turns out that there’s a bloke who now reckons he’s a shelia who is waiting with bated breath to discover whether or not he can throw on a skirt and run around with the chicks.

Transgender player Hannah Mouncey waits on bid to enter AFLW draft.

How fitting. A pretend woman wants to run around in a pretend competition.

I have spoken before of my supreme disdain for the abysmal joke that is “professional” women’s AFL. And now we are not even into the second season and the first lunatic in a dress is lining up to put his 190cm and 100kg frame up against the girls. But it’s okay because, according to Callum, (for Callum is his name), he got hurt and everything while playing in his local girls league the other week.

“People have said ‘with how big you are you’ll probably hold back a bit so you don’t hurt anyone’ and I’m like, ‘well no, I’m not going to hold back, that defeats the whole purpose’.

“I had my ribs broken in my last game so I know they can hit me as hard as I can hit them and do damage. I know I’m seen differently but I won’t approach it any differently.”

Had his ribs broken, eh? Either he ran into the goal posts or I want to see the after photos of the poor woman that collided with him.

Right on cue and desperate to get any sort of media attention at any mascara opportunity, Malcolm “Cate” McGregor, professional cross-dressing nutcase, weighed in on proceedings to state that he is throwing his support behind Callum’s attempt to man up and play with the girls. How surprising is that? McGregor attempted to play with the girls too when he tried to get in on the women’s big bash cricket league. He described the subsequent criticism he received as shocking:

“It shocked me and I didn’t expect the viciousness of people, I’d tell Hannah to stay off social media and read nothing about herself because it really rocked me,” McGregor said.”

Of course, let us not forget that at the time of his manly attempt to play with the girls, McGregor was 60 fucking years old.

Referring to Callum he said:

“She has to ignore the muppets but it is draining and taxing because you’re a lightning rod for abuse, there’s really nasty stuff written by dickheads who haven’t even played the game and just don’t like women’s sport.”

I presume that I would be one of the dickheads to which McGregor is referring. Heads up, sunshine; you’re not a woman. You and Callum both are simply psychopaths in frocks. Pointing out the bleeding obvious while not buying into your very public derangement is not being a dickhead; the dickheads are the ones who advocate and support your mental condition as being something normal. Which it is not.

I will be very surprised if the AFL board rules against this mentally deranged ex-handballer. But more to the point, I encourage the board to give him a run. I watched a few minutes of the first women’s match last year, and I can tell you that those in attendance looked fairly, how should I put this, rough around the edges. I very much doubt that that sort of crowd is going to think for one minute that Mr Callum Mouncey is “brave” for running out onto the paddock and trying to beat the girls at their own game. I predict that he will receive the bollocking that he deserves.

The transtesticle madness is really sweeping the nation this week with the news that the Australian Defense Force has spent a cool $1 million of taxpayer’s money for “sex change”* surgery of ADF personnel. The minister of defense attempted to defend the spending in parliament and wound up looking like she’s a bunch of french fries short of a happy meal. Hint: if you want an effective minister of defense, don’t put a chick in charge.

There is no limit to madness. Trying to change your biological sex is mad. There is a reason that we used to make fun of men running around in women’s clothing. The mockery was to make sure that the lunatics knew their place on the far fringes of society. Because if you start taking lunatics seriously then you run the very real risk of the lunatics eventually running the show.

Hopefully the noble art of mocking a man in a dress will resurface at the first farcical women’s AFL match of season number two.

* Sex change is in sarcastic parethaseus because it is not possible to change your biological sex, no matter how many “best practice” arguments ministers of defense throw around.

Photo by Flying Cloud