I missed the Grand Final today but guess what – I didn’t kill anybody


Today was one of the worst days of my life.  Well, at least since September 25, 1999.  That was the last time I missed an AFL Grand Final.  The last time before that, I think I would have been 3 or something, so in my defence I wouldn’t have known any better.

Grand Final Day for me is like Christmas.  My favourite year was 2010 – it was like I had Christmas two weeks in a row.  I don’t care if it is a whitewash.  You get to find out who is premier, one way or another, and since Melbourne hasn’t made it for 15 years, I have stopped caring particularly how close it is.  As such, my loved ones had to endure my calling down of deadly curses against those of my chosen profession, and on one occasion had to remind me that we were in public.

But you see, I’m not a psychopath, (or at least not all the time.)  So I was able to make the logical connection in my mind, despite my fury, that at the end of the day, it was all my own goddamn fault.  I could not take this out on anybody else but myself, because if I had been only slightly less incompetent, I would have been cracking a cold one while I watched the Hawks, (who I have still never forgiven for 1988,) romp to three in a row.

Which brings us to the subject of Islam, and it brings us to the subject of terrorism.  (Notice I did not say “Islamic terrorism,” “Islamist terrorism,” “Radical Islamic terrorism,” “violent extremism” etc.)  I read an article very recently which makes the case that Islam breeds a disproportionately high number of psychopaths.  The way it reinforces its rules through mindless repetition, threats and violence, and demonisation of the other resembles classic brainwashing technics.  Furthermore, “The culture it generates cultivates four psychological characteristics that further enable and increase violent behavior.. anger, lack of self-confidence, no sense of responsibility for oneself, intolerance.”

Funnily enough, I felt quite a bit of anger today at missing the Grand Final.  I felt like a loser because my own actions had led to my own unhappiness.  I wanted to find a way to blame it all on the googly eyed idiots who had schedule the PD session on Grand Final day, but, well, you know, there is that little voice inside your head that tells you they really don’t deserve it, and suck it up princess.

And funnily enough, I know what it is like to feel the anger, lack of self-confidence, no sense of responsibility for oneself, and intolerance that comes from being raised in one of the more fringey denominations, (one might even call it a brainwashing cult,) of another of the “Abrahamic faiths” which relies on mindless repetition, threats and violence, and demonisation of the other to enforce obedience.

There is only so much ridicule one can endure when trying to convince others they should convert to your faith to avoid an eternity in hell; only so much earthly fun one can forgo to avoid said eternity while others joyfully wallow in said earthly fun; only so much personal torment one can inflict on oneself for one’s supposed sins which are unavoidable because they are in fact not sin but human nature; before you start to go a little crazy.

Rather than wanting to save others from an infinity of agonising torture, you start to think that deliberately not telling them is the best revenge.  You enter a mindset that this life is merely a nuisance, compared to the eternity of bliss that awaits you in the hereafter, and if only there were a way to get out of this life, and its minefield of irresistible boobs and booze, prematurely, you would take it.  You stop living, you become resentful of all the good that surrounds you, and you withdraw more and more into an imaginary world of darkness.

But I’m not a psychopath.  So I escaped this hell on earth I had created for myself, resisted the societal and cultural pressure of my family to remain in the fold, and even accepted the possibility that if I was wrong, when I died I would be stuffed.  Forever.

Because I’m not a psychopath.

The ironic thing about all this is that I believe I could make the statement that although I condemn the actions of terrorists who commit murder in the name of Islam, I think I can understand part of the mindset that makes them do it.  Psychologically, I think the act of terrorism soothes the two most torturous thoughts that are constantly being played over and over in the mind of a religious fanatic – ‘I could end up in hell for eternity for one slip, and these hedonistic bastards don’t deserve to be happy’ – and it provides an easy (however illogical) out.

If I can quote one verse of the Koran which makes this link in Islam explicit:

Quran (4:74)“Let those fight in the way of Allah who sell the life of this world for the other. Whoso fighteth in the way of Allah, be he slain or be he victorious, on him We shall bestow a vast reward.”

(One always runs the risk in these articles whereby if you make generalisations about Islam, people say you are have nothing to back it up.  So then you provide a few verses and provide a few examples, and the semantic and illogical twists and games begin, but what the hell, go me.)

So, yeah, I think I can understand how following the words of you holy book, to the letter, to give you an quick, easy, foolproof way of leaving this pesky world, with all the joy it can actually bring you if you give it half the chance, and at the same time lets you live out your fantasy of taking deadly revenge on those who refused to heed your warnings and rubbed their own debauchery in your godly, self-sacrificing face, would appeal to you.

If you’re a psychopath.

in the meantime, can someone tell me where I can stream a replay?  I know it was a flogging, but hell, a Grand Final is a Grand Final.