Dear Middle East, Let’s do a Swap


I believe I have found a solution to the Middle East Migrant Crisis, a solution to the potential Islamisation of Europe, and a solution to the problem posed by the Islamic State.

Let’s do a swap.

Given that every Muslim in the Middle East, by their existence and their location, fits the definition of “refugee” I propose that we move every single Muslim living in the Middle East to Europe. There, they will be provided with everything they need – food, housing, medical care, and financial assistance until they can get on their feet. We will also solve the problem of thousands of people drowning in the Mediterranean trying to get to Europe.

Members of the Islamic State can chose to come across to Europe as well, but they are welcome to stay in the Middle East. As for the rest, everybody comes. All 300-odd million.

The multicultural population of Israel are welcome to stay in Israel, as are the non-Muslim minorities throughout the Middle East.

In return, we want the Middle East. All Europeans who want to move to the Middle East may move. All who wish to stay in Europe may stay. But the ground rules are, the Middle East is now Europe, and Europe is now the Middle East.

Europe will be governed according to how those newly arrived from the Middle East would like it to be governed. I am sure there are many Europeans who would welcome life in this new rainbow democracy.

imageAs for the Middle East, it will be run as the new European owners see fit. Don’t worry about the Islamic State. We’ll take care of that. We look forward to restoring the ruins of Palmyra, Mar Elian, Apamea, Dura Europos, Mari, Hatra, Nineveh, Mosul, Nimrud, Khorsabad, and Mar Benham. We look forward to the Jewish community of Mecca once again being given a chance to flourish, and we are pretty sure we can find a way of distributing the wealth from the the sale of what are reported to be plentiful oil reserves more evenly than at present.

All those involved must understand that this is a one way, one off deal. There are no refunds and no right of return. We are sure the Muslims of the Middle East will recognise that they are getting the better deal, and accept our terms.