AFL has racists on the run


The latest XYZ Viewer Poll has revealed that footy fans unanimously support the AFL’s tough stance against racists and bigots. It appears to be working, with potential booers believed to be missing, presumed scared. 100% of people are in favour of some form of punishment, while a full 89% of people responding to the question “How should booing of Adam Goodes be punished in the future?” recommend the “Firing squad. No blindfold. No cigarette (Health Regulation 2578b). And definitely, no last words.”

The XYZ wants to declare that we fully support the AFL’s merciless attitude toward dissenters who persist in displaying their cultural ignorance. Several XYZ staff actually feel that the firing squad is too good for them, and it appears that many XYZ viewers feel the same way, with 66% believing that such reactionaries should first face the public humiliation of “Automatic dismissal from their place of employment,” followed by a “Public shaming through Twitter, a forced apology on national television, and placement on a “Public Racist Footy Fan” register,” before their eventual show trial and execution.

It appears however, that some XYZ viewers hold problematic views – action is currently being taken to locate, through the tracking of IP addresses, and then liquidate, the 2% who believe booers should only lose their jobs, and the 9% who think public shaming is sufficient.

imageIt must be stated that the conversation has moved on, indeed, the world has moved on, from the issue of the death penalty for transgressors of political correctness, and frankly, we can’t believe we’re still having this conversation. Polls show that the question that really matters to people today is the manner in which people guilty of hate speech should be executed.

The firing squad, electric chair, and lethal injection, even with the prelude of public humiliation, have all been rejected as too clean, too quick, and essentially, soft on crime. Thus we have had to delve back into our cultural past to find more cruel and entertaining methods of extermination. Drawing by horses and crucifixion were both proposed, but rejected as inappropriate, the former for its exploitation of animals, the latter for its cultural insensitivity to new Australians. So, a consensus concluded to reinstate the Medieval art of public disembowelling. Initial feedback suggests that this should greatly improve the quality of pre-match entertainment at future Grand Finals.

We hope you enjoy the new XYZ Viewer Poll, dealing with the much more important subject of deciding which Star Wars movie was the best.

Sorry, there are no polls available at the moment.