A writer named Freddie deBoer wrote a long screed concerning forgiveness and how the modern self obsessed culture of selfishness is claiming that forgiveness is a very bad thing. Freddie might seem to be on the side of the good guys, but I had my doubts from the first sentence.
I attend therapy every week. I have for a long time, now, after drifting in and out for years; finding and affording a therapist in New York City was just very hard.
These people are an alien species to me.
Anyway, he then proceeds to take apart an article in the New York Times that claims that forgiveness is overrated.
You see, the fundamental argument in the piece is that, because forgiveness only sometimes soothes the feelings of the forgiver, forgiveness is therefore overrated. Caron and those experts – what it could mean to be an expert in forgiveness, I have no idea – insist that the cultural directive to be forgiving is misguided, because it’s not always strictly speaking what’s best for the person who might forgive. That is the argument of Caron’s piece: that you should contemplate forgiveness only when and because it might benefit you. If it doesn’t, you should feel no pressure to forgive, let alone believe that you have an affirmative obligation to forgive.
Selfishness in a nutshell. The me-me-me-I-I-I-my-my-my generations. But Freddie doesn’t get it, no matter how much he might think that he does. He is just as deluded as those whom he criticises. Because he then writes the following lines:
Of course you don’t have to forgive every individual person in every individual scenario. That’s senseless. But then, no one ever said that you did.
Sorry, Freddie – somebody did indeed say that you have to forgive everyone for everything done against you. Have you ever heard of the Lord’s prayer?
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us …
I don’t see any clauses citing exceptions in that line. If we want God to forgive us then we have to practice what we desire from Him. There are no ifs or buts in Christianity, and Christianity is life.
Every morning after I recite the Rosary I make several dedications. One of them is the following:
Lord, I genuinely forgive all those who have ever done me wrong, and I beg forgiveness from those whom I have wronged. I forgive myself for my sins.
I would like to imagine that the crusaders on their warhorses said the same thing each morning, just before a pleasant day spent lopping off heathen heads.
Originally published at Pushing Rubber Downhill. You can purchase Adam’s books here.