Tim Jones
Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has expressed his relief for the return of the AFL at a press conference this morning, in the wake of revelations of branch stacking in the Victorian Labor Party.
After three Labor ministers resigned following the scandal that aired on 60 Minutes last Sunday night, Andrews stated that the return of sportsball couldn’t be more well-timed.
The Premier, who has remained silent on social media until now following the incident involving MP Adem Somyurek, fronted the media this morning to convey his relief.
“I thought the AFL’s return, on top of it’s meaningless gesture of kneeling, was well-timed last week. It’s got enough of the working and middle-class at each other’s throats which is advantageous for us.”
“The pressure I’ve been under for kowtowing to China for the One Belt, One Road fiasco has been enormous. This stuff with Somyurek was the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“You only have to look at my Facebook comments section to realise enough of the Victorian public are mindless drones that will barrack for their political footy team, regardless of the issue. The AFL returning will help re-enforce that and I make no apologies for it.”
“I’ll be returning to my usual series of vapid, unrelated social media posts once the public’s attention span has moved on and barracking for their favourite sportsball tribe has taken the heat off.”
“Failing that, I’ll be engaging President Xi on how best to conduct a purge because Victorians deserve better.”
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