Victoria Moves One Step Closer to Final Solution to the Old People Question

An old man, believed to be heading for the Victorian border as fast as his old legs will carry him.

Legislation passed the Victorian Upper House of Parliament today making it legal to murder old people. Some amendments have been added, making it more difficult for some people to murder some types of old people, meaning the legislation will return to the Lower House for ratification into law.

Responding to the news, Premier Daniel Andrews said the most truthful thing he has ever said:

“Today is all about emotion.”

He proceeded to outline his distaste for old people:

“Once, as I was strolling through the inner city, I suddenly encountered an apparition in a black cardigan and grey hair. Is this an old person? was my first thought.

“For, to be sure, they had not looked like that in Geelong. I observed the man furtively and cautiously, but the longer I stared at this wrinkled face, scrutinizing feature for feature, the more my first question assumed a new form:

“Is this a person?”

Sources in Spring Street inform The XYZ that the favoured method of extermination expected to be used on old people will be “gassing”.

Victoria has now become the opposite skit capital of Australia.

Got millions of loving families? Then mandate education which encourages children to mutilate their genitals.

Got heritage architecture built from the wealth generated from the gold rush, ie, capitalism? Let the universities churn out anarcho-communists, and let the youth vandalise your great buildings with graffiti then call it art.

Home to the descendants of the men who built the greatest empire the world has ever seen? Fill it with Asians!

Home to the greatest sport the world has seen since the days when chariots raced through Rome? Change the rules to make it more like rugby, hijack it to force divisive and hurtful identity politics down people’s throats, then create a substandard version of it which you provide free tickets for, while making it clear that if anyone disagrees with this, they will be publicly humiliated.

If something is done one way, and you want it done literally the opposite way, just come to Victoria. We’ll get it done. Do you remember there being a public outcry in Victoria over the desperate need to enact euthanasia legislation? Me neither. There is only one reason this has been done: the communists are in power. And now pressure will mount to enact national legislation, because it isn’t fair that only Victorians have access to being able to murder old people.

I see what you did there.


In related news, the results of the latest XYZ Viewer Poll are in, on the question “Should Melbourne secede from Australia?” Although more people agreed (20%) than disagreed (9%), far more people (71%) would rather see Melbourne simply wiped off the map and be done with it.

We could have a word with Dear Kim. See it as pre-emptive mass voluntary assisted dying.

Photo by pedrosimoes7