Poll: 87% of Australians believe the ABC should be obliterated


In a survey of over 2000 Australians, an XYZ Viewer Poll has revealed that 87% of people believe that the ABC should be shut down, its offices demolished, and its staff tried for treason.

Should the ABC be shut down, its offices demolished, and its staff tried for treason?

  • Yes (87%, 1,830 Votes)
  • No (13%, 279 Votes)

Total Voters: 2,109

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Among other things, this poll reveals just how out of touch the ABC finds itself, and how unrepresentative of regular Australia its Q&A audiences are. The ABC has yet to respond to these latest findings, or to explain how it intends to cater to a broader section of the Australian community.

Artist’s impression of what demolishing an ABC studio may look like.

As always, The XYZ is happy be magnanimous and offer a third way, whereby half of the ABC’s budget is transferred to The XYZ, so it can provide news and current affairs which is just as biased to the opposite side of politics to which the ABC leans ever so slightly.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the ghost of Iona Nikitchenko has been summoned to preside over the treason hearings. It is understood that the ABC staff are quaking in their boots.

It’s your XYZ.

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David Hiscox
David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.