The Buddha tells the Middle East to be the region of peace


In incredible, hard-to-believe scenes yesterday, the Buddha appeared at multiple flash-points across the Middle East and made a plea for peace.

“In my enlightened wisdom”, he opined, “the region here needs to learn to live together. Treat your women well. Make love not war. Focus on your similarities not differences. Dream of brunettes not fighter jets. Turn a Sunni dis800px-Painting_of_Gotama_Buddha,_Wat_Ho_Xieng,_Luang_Prabangposition into a sunny outlook. Do not think of your neighbour as a Shia-t or something that rhymes with Kurd, but as a fellow member of the region of peace.

Remember, we are all people, first and foremost. You should be the region people want to visit not flee from. If you must, practice the religion of peace in the region of peace.

But for God’s sake, stop the madness. Stop exporting the madness. Stop perpetuating it. Stop killing and dying for someone else’s distorted ideas.

Learn how to think, not recite. Learn how to heal, not kill. Learn to respect and coexist, rather than to induce submission.

I am the friggin’ Buddha, I don’t really get angry, but this is sh#tt*ng me to tears. Peace out man.”

President Obama has issued a statement decrying the Buddha for inciting racist attacks.