Amateur photographers converged on Melbourne’s CBD yesterday for no apparent reason. Some, who had obviously had no formal training, walked around pointing their phone cameras at random groups of closely clustered people. Others clearly took themselves a lot more seriously, carrying around expensive, big lensed cameras, and carrying out expansive “crouch and shoot” manoeuvres.
One self-important amateur photographer, was happy to talk to the XYZ – “I practice by doing 50 squats, and 100 lunges every day. You never know when, in a public place, you might need to crouch, point your camera at something, and press click. The pressure is enormous, so the better condition you’re in, and the more natural such an awkward position feels, the better.”
Another guy, who described himself as a “photo-guru,” explained how he practices running with his camera – “It’s really important that if you are going to run with your camera, that you don’t drop it. I do 50 metre sprints, alternating the hand I hold my camera in each time. It matters because if you trip while running carrying a camera, you need a spare arm to take the impact. That’s why I practice power-rolls, too.
A very peculiar chap at the top end of Little Bourke Street showed a lot of care in setting up his camera on a tripod, so much care in fact that he completely missed some dramatic events directly behind him. A small band of random gentlemen were walking up the alley toward another, much larger group of loveable rapscallions, who for some reason didn’t want to let them make their way onto Spring Street. Projectiles such apples and 50 cent coins were thrown by the large group of loveable rapscallions, not just at the small band of random gentlemen, but at everybody else in the alleyway. One amateur photographer, who noticed a piffed apple was going straight for his head, moved, Miyagi-like, to let it whiz harmlessly by. The large group of loveable rapscallions then charged out to engage in a spontaneous game of British Bulldogs, to which those in the alley happily reciprocated. Asked how he could have missed such revelry, the peculiar chap said, “aspect and lighting are everything, man.”
The XYZ thinks this spontaneous flooding of Melbourne’s CBD with such creative hipsters is what makes the city great.
It’s your XYZ.