Adam Goodes, Braveheart.


So here’s my thoughts on the AFL in the light of the Adam Goodes, and now Lewis Jetta, spear throwing gesture controversy. And I think I get how things go now.

The Kevin Sheedy throat slitting episode was unseemly and outrageous – he got a big fine and deserved one.

Dustin Martin giving the jailhouse salute was bringing the game into disrepute. Fine the sucker big time, yeah.

Sam Mitchell’s injection jibe at the juiced up boys from Essendon, also deplorable, if not shocking, the sensitive types at AFL House were outraged.

Mark Murphy making a rude and possibly illegal gesture (‘the bird’). It just can’t be tolerated. The only issue to resolve was how much to slug the uncouth ignoramus in fines. Michael Gardiner’s handcuff gesture, Mark Williams choking taunt… It goes on…

But Goodes and Jetta treating the crowd like barramundi in a barramundi spearing contest – well that’s fine, it’s cultural you see, and they were antagonised by… wait for it… they were antagonised by the crowd booing. Booing! Hooting and jeering! I ask you, I demand, how can that be tolerated, at a football game? It’s just not on. A crowd behaving like, well… a crowd. Outrageous! This would never happen at… at… at a chess competition, or the lawn bowls, or the synchronised swimming… But I digress.

imageBoethius, being a delicate and sensitive type, has full sympathy with Goodes and Jetta. I am very proud of my own cultural heritage, rooted as it is in the venerable tradition of the pre-modern Celts, and that does also involve spears at certain points too, so I know about this. If I were an AFL footballer, I would hope the cultural sensitivity extended to Goodes and Jetta would be shown also to those of us who are proud of our Celtic traditions. This would even extend to me being pleased for an AFL official to nominate the crowd member who is to be ritually disemboweled in their seat upon celebration of each goal I score, in accordance with ancient Celtic tradition.

Oh, and I have a friend who belongs to an obscure tribe whereby the two chiefs (we can use the respective team captains in an AFL context) begin a sporting contest between their respective tribes by mutually masturbating each other as a sign of respect and friendship. Perhaps the AFL could consider that as an appropriate way to mark ‘cultural awareness round’ one day?