Shocking news! Wannabe violent extremist lived in big house!


In news that has baffled experts, it has been revealed that at least one of five young wannabe violent extremists lived in a McMansion with his family in Narre Warren. In raids that undoubtedly saved lives, the five were arrested shortly before Anzac Day this year, foiling plans to murder police at the Anzac Day Dawn Service in Melbourne.

But his unusual background has social scientists, who are naturally at the forefront of violent extremism prevention, puzzled. Frances Bonah from the University of Northcote explains:

“Obviously, this has nothing to do with Islam, because Islam is peaceful. But until now, it has been understood that people turn to violent extremism as a means to redress economic, political and social imbalances. Although their so-called ‘violence’ may be confronting to the Western Bourgeois, it is recognised that non-violent resistance legitimises the narrative of the oppressors.

“Our solution has been to accelerate wealth redistribution, facilitate dialogue to better uimagenderstand other cultures, and eradicate prejudice in our society. We call this three-step process the Accelerate-Facilitate-Eradicate Pyramid.

“But this new information, that a wannabe violent extremist lived in a big house, does not fit this theory. And naturally, when new evidence contradicts our strongly held beliefs, us social scientists always reexamine our conclusions. It is now clear that a privileged background is a root cause of violent extremism. A pattern has emerged in recent years whereby many middle class, university educated people reject their comfortable life in Western countries to join violent extremists, such as Tareq Kamleh, an Adelaide doctor who has gone to the Levant to join one such group.

“Research shows that people from privileged backgrounds do not develop as high a level of resilience as people from underprivileged backgrounds. Thus, when this youth was taunted for being a Muslim, which obviously he wasn’t, because Muslims are peaceful, these few innocuous incidents were enough to provoke him into planning mass murder. In contrast, someone from an underprivileged background with a far thicker skin would have brushed off such bullying much more easily.

“We are now recommending that immigrants be encouraged to view prejudiced attitudes as an unfortunate but inevitable part of the integration process, and to use them, as did previous generations of immigrants, as a spur to integrate, work hard and make the most of the new opportunities which did not exist in their country of origin.”

Professor Bonah expects that the rest of Western academia will soon reach the same conclusion, and hopes that this new research will help governments win the “War on Violent Extremism.”

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David has studied history and political science at Melbourne University. His thesis was written on how the utilisation of Missile Defence can help to achieve nuclear disarmament. His interest in history was piqued by playing a flight simulator computer game about the Battle of Britain, and he hopes to one day siphon the earnings from his political writings into funding the greatest prog-rock concept album the world has ever seen.