Victoria Freezes: Tim Flannery promises to wear a paper bag over his head for the rest of April


It was cold in Victoria today.

Really cold.

New South Wales too.


Last month NSW was flooded, now it’s snowing.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Snow seasons were supposed to be over by now and all the ski resorts should have been out of business. Our kids weren’t supposed to know what real snow would look like.

Well I’ll be.

Finally, Tim Flannery has broken his silence. Posting on Facebook to his 17 followers, he issued the following statement:

“I feel so retarded. I’m just sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I really stuffed up and I apologise unconditionally. As penance I promise to wear a paper bag over my head for the rest of April. I have also asked my wife to stick a “kick me” sign on my back every time I leave the house, and anybody is allowed to kick me up the bum as hard as they want.

“Furthermore I promise to retire from public life, and I have given up being a science guy to work as a toilet cleaner for a Woolies in Thomastown.”

Science guys from the CSIRO have issued a similar mea culpa today, given that back in 2003 they predicted that snow seasons would suck by now:

“We honestly don’t know what we were thinking. There is no excuse for this. We basically were just not thinking. We’re supposed to be science guys, after all. We’re just really, really sorry.”

The XYZ understands, given that roughly 97% of CSIRO’s operations were involved in trying to prove that the world is going to spontaneously combust in 18 months time, that the government has decided to suspend all CSIRO operations indefinitely. Tomorrow the wreckers move in, and it is believed that 2800 tonnes of salt has been ordered in from Europe to ensure that nothing grows on former CSIRO land for centuries.

It’s your XYZ.