Christine Blarney-Ford has returned to the senate judiciary committee with claims she’s recovered another, deeper memory while receiving therapy for her traumatic experience of giving testimony on the traumatic experience she suffered while remembering her very traumatic experience. While a little hazy at first, she is now “100% certain” it happened just as she now remembers she remembers.
“A little over six-thousand years ago,” testified the tearful psychologist, “I was out in my garden, just loving and caring for everything in general, when Brett Kavanaugh suddenly slithered over and jumped on me and forced his big red apple in my mouth. I thought I was going to die!
“Afterwards, he and his mate Yahweh stood around laughing at me, so I rushed out of the garden and my life has been an endless tale of misery and woe ever since. I get upset just thinking about it.”
Democrats have called for a halt to nomination proceedings until such time as Yahweh can be found and hauled before the committee to explain Himself.
Republicans, on the other hand, are keen to talk to Blarney-Ford’s ex-boyfriend, Adam, to see if he can corroborate the tearful psychologist’s “brave and credible” story.
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