There is a scourge covering our land, a virus which affects the minds of the weak, of the ignorant and ill-informed. This scourge threatens the unity of our democracy, the feelings of the faint-hearted, and the solidity of the unmoving.
This scourge of which we speak has a name, and its name is Statueophobia.
The XYZ is proud to stand against hate, against bigotry, against the irrational fear of inanimate monuments. Help us to educate those unfortunate souls encumbered by this dreadful malady, and surely those with some goodness in their hearts will see the error of their ways.
We suggest you do it by being frightful bores at dinner parties, loudmouths in the office, and generally not letting anyone disagree with you publicly without at least a 20 minute lecture.
Together, we can make Australia a better place, because it’s the current year, and love trumps hate.
It’s your XYZ.