SJW Mechanical Handbook: Chapter 2


After the runaway success of the first instalment of ‘The SJW Mechanical Handbook’, the demand for more insightful mechanical applications, as approved by Clamentine Fraud, has reached fever pitch, with even ANTIFA wanting to know how to tune their Nissan Jukes in a Marxist manner.

Here are some ringing endorsements from consumers (in a non-capitalist way) who benefitted from the first chapter, The cis gendered 4 stroke cycle:

‘You’re a fucking white male!’ – Sarah Hanson Yuck

‘Bunch of homophobic patriarchal pricks.’ – Penny Wang

‘I can running.’ Ralphy

The SJW Mechanical Handbook.

Chapter 2: Tuning your 5-speed manual gear box for equality.

Hey lovers of equality. (Notice how I side-stepped using any outdated gendered pronouns?)

Do you lie awake at night fretting about the intangible? Is there a feeling of injustice that you cannot quite identify? Well let me put you straight. You are probably the operator of a car fitted with a 5-speed manual gearbox. The nagging sense of pique you feel deeply hurt by is more than likely caused by the inequality that the patriarchy has hidden in your gearbox! Are you as shocked as I am? You should be. Help however, is at hand! In this second instalment of mechanics for SJWs, I will extend your knowledge of how a manual gearbox works and show how you can tune it for equality.

Now listen up you bunch of Che’s.

The patriarchal structure of a conventional 5 speed manual gearbox consists of 4 shafts:

1. The input shaft.

2. The counter shaft.

3. The main shaft

4. The reverse shaft.


Power comes in from the engine (remember the cisgendered 4 stroke cycle) and rotates the input shaft. The input shaft is geared to rotate the counter shaft, which in turn transfers drive to whatever gear is locked to the main shaft, which sends drive to the wheels.

The problem here is the hierarchy of gears which are all lacking in equality. They all perform at differing speeds depending on the rev range and load conditions. Where’s the equality in that? In order for them to be performance tuned to cultural Marxist specification, you as the operator need to ensure that all your gears are the same, thus ensuring equality of operation. No one gear will have any advantage over another.

Tuning for equality:

Open your gearbox. Remove 2nd, 3rd, 4th ,reverse and overdrive gearing and replace all with 1st gears. Your Nissan Juke is now ready to ferry you to your next protest. You can smugly brag to your 100 brethren, as you are beating up 3 old ladies, that your gearbox is equality approved. Did they get there the same way?

I know. ‘Where’s the diversity?’ I hear you ask. You’ll be happy to know that every gear was painted the colour of the rainbow flag before installation. And isn’t that what life’s all about?

In following chapters, I’ll show you how to Islamise your carburettor, boast about driving a Prius without getting beaten up, and gender-proofing your gear stick.

Photo by burgerfeet1