One of the joys of being a DelCon internet troll is stumbling randomly onto bizarre little side brawls between the various tribes within new media. Lately the theme seems to be food wars. First up, we have the rather amusing battle between cereal manufacturer Kellogg’s and online media powerhouse Breitbart. For those who came late on this one, Kellogg’s, in a vain attempt to gain some SJW street cred, publicly attempted to shame Breitbart by removing advertising. Given that Breitbart has a readership of some 45 million and that they didn’t get that popular by rolling over in submission, the Kellogg’s move is probably best described as them starting a land war in Asia while half way through a winter march on Moscow. Either that or ‘Oops!’ Your word count may vary.
Closer to home, however, we have just been blessed with a new fight between some researchers from Melbourne-based RMIT University and, well, reality.
Their study, ‘Systematic review of greenhouse gas emissions for different fresh food categories,’ was first published in the Journal of Cleaner Production before being repeated in Leftie safe-space The Conversation. After this it was then openly mocked by Tony Thomas at Quadrant, and finally gleefully reposted at Hate Media Central, the Andrew Bolt Blog. So far so typical, so why is this study so amusing?
It tells the world the most carbon-friendly way to home-cook spaghetti bolognese.
Now while comments in the more adult blogs mentioned above basically involved people laughing themselves silly, over at The Conversation readers took the advice to heart. One William Hollingsworth even offered up further gems of wisdom by suggesting that budding eco-friendly cooks should not use a separate pot for boiling the actual pasta, as that ‘doubles the amount of energy needed for cooking’. Instead, budding kitchen justice warriors should just boil the pasta in with the sauce, advice that clearly shows that William not only has a very poor understanding of thermodynamics, but probably also no real understanding of taste buds. Mind you, since Will also identifies as a ‘Marxist Monarchist’ (don’t ask, we don’t know either), his version of the classic Italian dish probably makes a nice change from the one-pot gruel normally served up in your average worker’s paradise.
Still, XYZ didn’t get to become Age newspaper’s favourite Fake News site for seven days running just by recapping other people’s gossip, so without further fanfare, we will tell the curious masses the one true way to reduce pasta-based CO2 emissions from your home kitchen.
Dine out.
Your kitchen emissions drop to near zero, the meal probably tastes a lot better and some other shmuck has to do the washing up. Then if you still feel guilty, you can always offset.
Bon appetit.
Photo by mk_is_here 
