Infowars reporter Paul Joseph Watson was vindicated in the past 24 hours as being more perceptive than… well… all of the mainstream journalists who’ve been caught napping in regard to Hillary’s health for months. Even Clinton cheer-squad CNN was forced to acknowledge that something was amiss in a dodgy mealy-mouthed cover story about pneumonia.
http://edition.cnn.com/2016/09/11/politics/hillary-clinton-health/index.html
Easily the longest and most protracted case of pneumonia of all time, the plan was to continue with the pneumonia schtick up until Hillary rigs the election, but shock footage exclusively obtained by XYZ courtesy of roving French paparazzo Pepe Ansault finally reveals the remarkable truth!
Pepe obtained the compelling footage of Hillary as she was boarding a shuttle on vacation to Mars. Mars!?!? I hear you ask. That’s right, Mars. The 1% who pretend to loathe the 1% despite living in the same neighbourhoods and sending their kids to all the same schools have been visiting the red planet for decades. They just didn’t tell any of us because we’re in the basket of deplorables.
So this explains everything. The twitches, the glitches, the dizzy spells…Hillary isn’t sick (maybe in the head). She’s transitioning into the perfect physical specimen. A mid-forties Austrian bodybuilder who looks a little like Arnold Schwarzenegger! Hillary loves her a pantsuit, and the broad shoulders of Arnie are the ones to fill it!
The idea of going back in time to kill the parents of your political opponenents and miscellaneous loose ends is also appealing to her. Having Vincent Foster offed was fun and all, but nothing tops the convenience of going back in time, smothering his grandmother with a pillow, and catching a live Al Jolson performance before scurrying back to 1995 to slap Bill in the face with one of those big Austrian paws the first time he lays eyes on Monica Lewinsky.
While the transition itself seems flawless, as the footage shows, the animatronic prosthetic that she has been using while the scarring healed isn’t exactly up to scratch. Avatar director James Cameron was quoted as saying “they should’ve gone with CGI… animatronic prosthetics always sieze up during humid 9/11 ceremonies. We tried one of those animatronic prosthetic heads on The Abyss, and it wouldn’t stop coughing!”
A source from Disney Pixar agreed that the Clinton campaign should have used CGI to cover the transition. The source was also critical of her voice. “It’s just so bitchy and whiny,” an unnamed Pixar source lamented. “They should’ve cast Eddie Murphy or Mike Myers as the voice actor. Whoever the voice actor is that they found has been scaring children in test screenings!”
On the plus side, since ditching the prosthetic there are now no more concerns about Hillary’s health. The media have now been instructed to refer to the candidate as trans-film genre when not remarking upon how beautiful and brave Hillary was to body-double for Arnold in the latest Terminator debacle.
Trump advisor Stephen Bannon could not be reached for comment, as he was hurriedly consulting with the rest of the campaign team as to whether Trump should transition into an angry elderly communist senator from Vermont to counter this latest development.
It’s your XYZ…