BREAKING NEWS – The reptilian oligarchy goes critical

Cartoon by Ryan Fletcher
Cartoon by Ryan Fletcher

Overnight some major rifts in world politics have caused confusion to the reptilian establishment, so much so that major players are considering returning to the fourth dimension (in fear of being lynched by we the people).

In what has been described by one pundit as the “four horsemen of the apocalypse for the reptoids” we’ve seen a series of major political events occur:

Jesse Ventura (aka “The Governor”) challenged Ban Ki-moon to an arm wrestle for control of the UN. Ban Ki-moon, who had reportedly been drunk and coked out of his mind at the time, accepted the challenge. Naturally he was slaughtered by The Governor. Ventura declared upon winning he will be dismantling the world governance of the U.N.

Dr. David Duke PhD, a former one-term Republican Louisiana State Representative, author, lecturer, commentator and former Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, has gone to work for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP).

David Icke, the man once described as “The Greens’ Tony Blair”, has declared he will be running for Prime Minister of Britain. Icke declared he will spearhead an overthrow of the monarchy by “initially migrating the entire international LaRouche Movement to Britain, and making Alex Jones the “Minister for Media Awakening”.

Russian President Vladimir Putin, in a Reagan-like manner, decided to make a public statement to Donald J. Trump, stating “Mr. Trump, build the heck out of that wall”. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reportedly commented to the media “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”.

The XYZ will keep you updated on these stories as more information comes in.