Australian cricket captain Pat Cummins has denied that footage, published by the Australian, of he and his wife having a tense conversation in public had anything to do with the ongoing Sandpapergate saga.
Instead, he claimed that his wife was merely berating him for leaving the toilet seat up. Many people online have reacted with disbelief to this assertion, with the common response being “we assumed he sat down to pee.”
Cummins admitted he has let the team down recently, failing to lecture Aussies sufficiently on tolerance and climate change:
“I see myself less and less as a cricketer, and more as a role model and social engineer. But I can’t even remember the last time I led a barefoot welcome to country ceremony before a Test series. Obviously, I have to do better.”
Gillette has announced a new advertisement campaign featuring Cummins, designed to educate the masses on the benefits of Human Resources Departments, which have been devalued of late due to a backlash by extremists on social media.
Meanwhile, a recent poll revealed nearly half of Australians consider both Pat Cummins (43%) and Usman Khawaja (47%) to be “a bit of a wanker”, while a smaller yet still significant proportion (17% and 19% respectively) consider both to be “a total wanker”.
Several experts however warn that said poll is “utterly scurrilous” and “almost certainly invented out of thin air.”
It’s your XYZ.
