The Australian government has been forced into an abrupt reversal of its domestic security policy this last week.
Its attempt to designate ordinary Australians who just want our country back as so-called “extremists” has failed dismally after an exhaustive search has revealed a complete lack of “extremist” related activity. Instead ASIO head Mike Burgess has acknowledged that ordinary Australians who just want their country back are “articulate” and “well educated”.
The fact Burgess revealed that about 30 agents of.a foreign power have recently been expelled from Australia further reinforces the appearance that ASIO is refocusing its attention on actual enemies of Australia. Thomas Sewell has deduced that the most likely culprit was Mossad:
In a sensational development, just this last hour the Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison announced that one of these Mossad agents was Dvir Abramovich, an obscure blogger known for his stalking, harassment and defamation against ordinary Australians who just want their country back.
Dvir, described by acquaintances as “snivelling”, is over 300 years old, although sources indicate he is prone to exaggeration, often claiming to have witnessed the crucifixion.
Here is the transcript of the PM’s press conference:
“As Prime Minister, I basically have one job, and that is to keep Australia safe and that is what I intend to do. It has come to my government’s attention that a man by the name of Dvir Abramovich has been payed by a foreign power, to whom he owes allegiance, to wield undue influence over Australia’s domestic and foreign policy in the interests of that foreign power.
“This is the very definition of a spy. Australia’s security agencies have thus acted accordingly and expelled this man to his homeland in Transylvania.”
Although the Prime Minister remained tight lipped about the sensitive operation to locate and expel Dvir, unreliable sources close to The XYZ suggest that a squad of SAS armed with crucifixes and garlic conducted a noon raid on Dvir’s crypt, believing that it would be the hour at which he is weakest. The XYZ cannot confirm baseless accusations that Dvir turned into a bat.
The Prime Minister continued:
“I would just like to say to anybody who thinks they can come to Australia and preference their own people, their own religion, their own culture, that’s not how we do things in the most successful multicultural democracy in the world.
“The whole point of multiculturalism is that you are supposed to lose these outdated modes of identity and embrace a new identity which recognises the values of being a good, global citizen.
“Like all good global citizens, it is my hope that one day all nations will forgo silly borders and ethnic, religious or cultural superstitions and replace them with globalist values such as buttsex, feelings, and the mutilation the genitals of newborn infants so they can choose their gender at the age of five, free of physiological bias.
“It is crucial that countries such as Transylvania, China, Israel or Sudan, as just a few examples, cease clinging to borders and religion and embrace an economic model whereby you import hundreds of thousands of complete strangers into your country to pick fruit every year so you can build houses for them. It’s a win for everybody.”
Sources within the ABC and SBS are understood to be slightly anxious, indicating they “will have to change their speed-dial”.
In completely unrelated news, police are still baffled trying to solve the gruesome mystery of how several children’s torsos are discovered in Melbourne’s inner South East each year shortly before passover, with holes on their neck and temple, and their bodies drained of blood.