In breaking news, first responders have described ‘a scene of unimaginable horror’ in a small room at a university campus in the north east of the United States. It was first believed that yet another shooting tragedy had occurred, with witnesses describing loud ‘pops’ and the sound of ‘blood spattering on walls, like something out of Dexter.’ But investigators soon pieced together, through forensic analysis and the testimony of one eyewitness, the true nature of events.
During a meeting of the Trans-National Association of North American Trans-Lesbo Buddhist Sufferers of Trans-Fat-Associated Trans-Organ Failure, (TNANATLBSTFATOF) believed to number ‘about six or seven’, one of their number suggested that they accept that the invention of the concept of microaggressions, (a word which still does not appear in most spell-checking programs,) while purporting to struggle against bullying, is itself a form of bullying, because it is used to suppress speech and ideas which conflict with their own. The one survivor said that for those members of the TNANATLBSTFATOF who gave the reality of the situation a moment’s thought, ‘their heads just exploded.’
First responders were further traumatised when the brain of the one survivor, who had only suffered a mild aneurism, exploded mid-interview when she finally ‘got it.’ A fireman later experienced violent, violent diarrhoea and uncontrollable vomiting after he ‘got some in his mouth.’
In response, legislators in several American states have attempted to outlaw anyone pointing out that calling something a microagression is a form of bullying, but in each instance, proceedings had to be suspended to pick the brains off the floor.
Fear and panic has gripped university departments across the Western world as a result. Some calm was briefly restored when one gender theorist stated that to label the identification of microaggressions, purportedly to struggle against bullying, as bullying, was itself bullying. But then somebody – nobody knows whom – pointed out that claiming that labelling the identification of microaggressions, purportedly to struggle against bullying, as bullying, was itself bullying, was in fact a form of bullying, which led to another round of fatal head explosions.
For the gender theorists, 3rd wave feminists and trans-rights activists who remain, life will remain perilous. A spokesperson for the community explained to The XYZ:
‘We are faced with two stark options. Firstly, although it goes against everything 3rd Wave Feminism stands for, we may in future have to abandon all pretence at logical reasoning and debate, and base all our future arguments on emotion and logical fallacies, to avoid happening upon the logical conundrum which, as I understand, has been causing the heads of so many of my peers to explode. The only other option is to take copious amounts of drugs and avoid reality altogether.’
It’s your XYZ.
Photo by doviende